Hello, I am having some difficulties writing the introduction of a subject with two ideas. Can you please tell me if my introduction responds in general the questions?
topic: Some people belive money is a less important factor than free time for quality life. What do you think about it? What other factors are necessary to live a good quality of lifestyle?
answer: Nowadays people tend to spend more time working in order to produce more money witch affects the quality of their life. Some people argue that free time for quality life is much more important than money. From my viewpoint money have a significant role in making peoples life unstressed and joyful alongside with other factors such as health and security.
Secondly, as group A students are contributing less, they surely get less benefit. Moreover, many companies which employ people in group A have to train them from ground-up. These companies take this cost from group A’s salary to reduce the risk of their employees leaving to other companies after being trained. So, less benefits are unavoidable and certain, group B members are more loyal and effective workers. They also have useful experience and skills. Besides, their education is the same as or even higher than that of group A. As the result, group B gets more benefits absolutely.
This is a quick lesson to help you with personal opinions and personal pronouns in IELTS essays. A recent comment on the site asked whether it was correct to use personal pronouns in IELTS essays or should all opinions be “impersonal” because that is more academic. My quick answer is you certainly can use personal pronouns in IELTS essays and there are times when you really must give personal opinions. But you do want to be careful with your language, so I am attaching a download with some useful vocabulary to help you give personal opinions in IELTS essays better.